i was just on myspace.. looking at my friend’s pix–May’s.
it’s her bday toay… i saw a picture of Sheila… gawd… my stomache just twisted and is still twisting. it’s spinning and turning and it’s making me sick. my throat is closing and my eyes are burning, and i’m getting light headed..
why am i feeling this way? i got along just fine without her.. but idk.. i guess it just reminded me of what a good friend she was and i can’t believe i had to lose her.. tears and memories…
ugh!! i’m so frustrated too! i’m so emotional… why why why?!?
it’s like… it doesn’t even matter anymore!! it’s done and over with and like.. i don’t need this BS.. so why does it bother me??
i haven’t spoken to her since… since Dec. of ’08… right?…….
she’s pretty as always.. she dyed her hair now.. it looks more natural… lol. it’s just.. why did i have to lose her? i hate that fact… but i had to.. i know i did.. otherwise it wouldn’t have happened. i gotta get over myself. she was a great friend, big deal.. i have another great friend now..
lol.. it’s not the same.. not even close..
they all look so happy together… i coulda still been there.. right? if i was still tehre.. would i still be friends with her? with all of them? with emily, may, leah, juliet…. god i miss them… i miss them so much..
and everytime i do see them.. which is not often at all… it’s so awkward.. i feel so left out.. i was always the odd one out so i guess.. i guess it’s best that we’re not friends anymore.. that we’re not.. yeah… *sigh*.. my heart hurts..