The one thing that always, without fail, become a contradictory moment for me would be… Pregnancy scare.
It hasn’t happened often, but when it does, I always get mixed feelings. I’m scared that if I am pregnant, I wouldn’t know what to do; I’m not ready for a child, my partner isn’t ready for a child, much less may or may not even want the child. I’m excited that if I am pregnant, I would love him/her with all my heart; Even if the father decides he doesn’t want to be a part of our lives, I’d give my child twice my best to love and care for him/her.
So what happens today? Well, I’m turning the big 21 in a couple of days! That means drinking and having fun with friends and family. Yet, I am 12 days late for the ever so lovely period. Although I was quite certain that I am not pregnant, with the drinking I’m planning on doing, it’s better safe than sorry. So, off to Cubs, get a test, pee on a stick and wait…
“I want a kid. I’m not ready. I’m excited, is it growing? I’m scared, what am I going to do? How will he react? He doesn’t want a child. I’ll love my baby no matter what…”
*one single line*
“Oh… No worries then.” *Disappointment* “I should be glad. I’m still too young anyways.”
And there I sit for a moment, staring at the stick and wondering if that second line is just late, thinking that it’ll show up.
Then a couple minutes pass, I take a deep breath, and feel relief.