Have you ever felt like it’s just one of those days? the days where you don’t want to get up. the days where if you do, you’re just cranky and if someone just do one small thing wrong, you’ll snap at them? have you ever felt like your broken heart will never be mended? that it hurts too much to continue on with life and you just want to die. that with every second, every thought, you just need to cry and let it out but you dont want to at all?
i’m having one of those days i suppose… i know if he was here right now, or still talking to me. he would tell me to stop cleaning the whole damn house and get my ass up to find something to eat. cuz i’ve been cleaning all day and haven’t eaten anything since 2pm yesterday and it’s now 5:04pm. and i know i would refuse, just to have fun with him and he’ll glare at me, poke me, even pretend to force my until i break down and say yes. unless he’s in a bad mood, he’d just give up after a try or two, or somtimes if he’s in a really bad mood, he’ll just pass it off cuz he knows i’ll eventually eat.
going off topic(ish).
i just thought he’d choose me.. ya know? i mean.. i comforted him when he was down, i listened to him, i gave him advice.. i was there for him when he needed me and i tried to help him whenever i could. i just… yeah, i thought he would’ve chose me.. i thought he would’ve realised how much i love him, how much i want to be there for him and how much i care for him. i thought he would’ve felt the same way.. i dont see why it troubled him so much that she talked to someone else. was that person more important than me? the person he didn’t want her to talk to, that was worth losing me? cuz i know it was not worth losing him. i Thought!! that he would finally see.. … but he didn’t. what does he see in her.. that he can’t see in me? what does she have.. that i don’t have or can’t have? what is it about her that.. that made him love her more? and what is it about me… that wasn’t enough?
i knew though… deep inside i knew he had chosen her even before he told me. but every single day that we talked, every day that passed, i had a bit of hope that he would come to his senses and see.. truly see that im the one. until now. i dont want to hope anymore. i mean, i guess i knew he’d choose her… he did so before.. three times.. so why the hell was this time different?… .. cuz he’s not talking to me anymore.. that.. bitch.. told him to choose: me or Her. I DONT GET IT!!!! he wanted her to stop talking to this.. this dude he doesnt even know!! so damn bad that he didnt want me anymore!!!!!! i dont… it hurts.. i thought.. i thought i meant.. more. i thought… everything i thought was wrong though… everything..